So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
