Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
worst night to have a conscience
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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