Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just googled if crying burns calories
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
