Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
