ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
