I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
