Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
