yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
