i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
