my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize