no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
