dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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