you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
do herpes really smell.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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