and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize