Nicole vs. Life
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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