Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
