question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
