Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
