you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
