Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
