I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
