I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
