I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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