she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
