am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
