it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
