Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
