if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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