all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
