i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
