It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
