Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You ruined the universe
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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