My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize