lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
