my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
