i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
