I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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