I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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