...so i touched it.
I just cut my nipple shaving
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize