ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
