their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
