i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
