I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
