I am in a vortex of obligation.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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