I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
