So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
