My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You took a bar mat shot.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
