Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
