I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
