'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
