So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
