I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
