normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
