I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
