the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
