Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
