Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
