youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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