Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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