I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Drunk is not a location!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
