We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
