yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
